Wednesday, 28 August 2013
The first time I saw her, everything in my head went quiet. All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.
When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don't really get quiet moments. Even in bed, I'm thinking: "Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes."
But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips, or the eyelash on her cheek, the eyelash on her cheek, the eyelash on her cheek.
I knew I had to talk to her. I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going.
On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by colour than I did eating it, or talking to her... But she loved it.
She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times when it was Wednesday. She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk.
When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely lock the door eighteen times.
I'd always watch her mouth when she talked, when she talked, when she talked, when she talked, when she talked. When she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges.
At night, she'd lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off.. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off. She'd close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were just passing in front of her.
Some mornings, I'd start kissing her goodbye but she would just leave because I was making her late for work.
When I stopped at a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking.
When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line.. She told me I was taking up too much of her time.
Last week she started sleeping at her mother's place. She told me that she shouldn't have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake.
But how can it be a mistake that I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her?
Love is not a mistake; it's killing me that she can run away from this and I just can't. I can't go out and find someone new because I always think of her.
Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin. I see myself crushed my an endless succession of cars. And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel. How she turns shower knobs like she opening a safe. How she blows out candles blows out candles blows out candles blows out candles blows out.
Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. I can't breathe because he only kisses her once - he doesn't care if it's perfect!
I want her back, so bad. I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on.
- "OCD", Neil Hilborn
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
Monday, 26 August 2013
Part I: Parties and fairs
As these occasions are the right times to get a little dipsy and enjoy oneself, I'll stick to some experience.
Acting dumb when needed, but the most important thing is to know when to act sober.
If you feel comfortable, show it and go around talking with several people. You never know where you'll find wisdom you can use on the words of others.
Ask things nicely, saying 'thank you' will take you further than not saying it. Basic manners.
If you see something you like on other people, say it to them. It may make out the day for them.
Be assertive, don't gossip. Avoid Schadenfreude, or at least learn first how to convincingly hide it.
And, more or less accurately, that's a little summary of my weekend (or how I'd have loved it to be).
Wonder if anyone reads this hoping to find a real guide for good manners... It's not.
Friday, 23 August 2013
Can we? Shall we? One day very soon, let us go away together just you and me. Can we? Shall we? Call in sick one day and travel to the sea and hold hands all day. Can we? Shall we? Eat our sandwiches on the train, get drunk on fresh air and come home tired and never tell anyone... Ever.
Monday, 19 August 2013
"Sean: My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. She used to fart in her sleep. (...) One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and went ‘ah was that you?’ And I didn’t have the heart to tell her.
Will: She woke herself up?
Sean: Ah...! But, she’s been dead for 2 years, and that's the shit I remember: wonderful stuff, you know? Little things like that. Those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that's what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but there not. Ah, that's the good stuff."
- Good Will Hunting (Gus Van Sant, 1997)
At first, everything's "perfect". The people involved try hard to be nice and polite as they expect to build a healthy relationship. But some time later, usually both of you feel the "barriers of politeness" slowly fall down.
Long story short: when magic ends, farting begins. Under the covers, or while taking a shower with the other person. Pre-meditated or just casual rippers. And you both end up laughing about the sounds and smell.
Also there's hair, everywhere. And burping. Oh, and going to the bathroom with open doors while you go on with a conversation becomes acceptable. When seeing your significant other naked around your place doesn't mean you have to mate like bunnies all the time, it's the sign that you got to that superior stage and you somehow get used to it and you feel comfortable with those little details.
Being in a comitted relationship means several things, but the most tangible is the high level bonds of trust reach in every aspect, the intimacy goes from bedroom matters to the little trivialities that daily coexistence brings to the surface. That hairy, navel-lint-covered surface.
Sunday, 18 August 2013
Volver a ver una película años después de la primera vez, de que te encantara y la encumbraras como una de esas películas dignas de ser nombradas cuando te pregunten cuál es tu favorita. En el momento decidiste que esa película en concreto tenía algo que la diferenciaba de las otras tantas que ya habías visto, y que las superaba en uno u otro aspecto.
Volver a verla, y sentir un poco esa decepción al darte cuenta de que no la admiras de la misma forma ahora. Puede que las circunstancias que hicieron que esa película en ese momento te marcara y tuviera un significado especial para ti, hayan cambiado. Puede que incluso tú mismo hayas cambiado, por todas las experiencias, las desilusiones, y, cómo no, las otras películas que viste posteriormente, que podrían haber subido el nivel de lo que esperas de una buena cinta.
Hay una diferencia clara entre lo que éramos nada más estrenar la veintena y el proyecto de persona de bien que somos ahora. Reflexionamos sobre el cambio, o sobre cómo de voluble es nuestra memoria, que ensalza unos recuerdos o rellena otros incompletos según la predisposición que dicta la situación actual.
Supongo que esto también se puede extrapolar a otros aspectos, como los recuerdos que guardamos de esos amigos de la infancia que crees que siempre estarán allí con el paso de los años, o las ciudades que visitaste hace años y al regresar notas que le falta algo que no se puede recuperar.
Thursday, 15 August 2013
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
"I cannot believe that anyone can deserve you".
- Mr. Bennet, "Pride and Prejudice"
(1995 TV Mini series, directed by Simon Langton
and adapted from Jane Austen's novel by Andrew Davies)
(1995 TV Mini series, directed by Simon Langton
and adapted from Jane Austen's novel by Andrew Davies)
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
Sunday, 11 August 2013
"I am the courier. Good morning, men. And. Women. Welcome. I am your friendly courier. Mister Bloodvessel is my name. Buster Bloodvessel. I am concerned for you to enjoy yourselves. Within the limits of British decency. You know what I mean. Don’t you. Well, don’t you?"
- "Magical Mystery Tour" (Bernard Knowles, 1967)
Saturday, 10 August 2013
"Tenemos a una Jennifer Connelly adolescente recorriendo un laberinto dominado por las criaturas de Jim Henson y tropezando de tanto en tanto con el paquete de David Bowie envasado al vacío en unas mallas. Todo ello al ritmo del Magic dance: Connelly, el paquete de Ziggy Stardust y los goblins. Y en la pantalla grande."
Artículo "Vida de Lucasfilm Games, muerte de LucasArts (I)" de Diego Cuevas en Jot Down.
Friday, 9 August 2013
Thursday, 8 August 2013
"That’s stupid! It’s just two depressed grown ups licking each other’s wounds! It’s just an easy way to convince yourself that you’re worth something!".
- Asuka, The End of Evangelion, Episode 26 - "One more final: I need you"
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
Es curioso cómo hace 10 años tenía al Reino Unido en un pedestal. Era la cuna de toda la música que me gustaba en la época (y casi también actualmente), también exportaban series y películas de humor atemporales y literatura "infantil", adoraban el buen té, y su clima nublado y melancólico y los dientes torcidos tenían ese encanto que me parecía irresistible.
Hace unos días estuve por quinta vez en territorio británico, pero en esta ocasión sentí el desencanto por primera vez. La comida era horripilante, y las maneras de la gente, más que mejorables... En realidad, sigue teniendo lo mismo que me atraía antes, pero ahora me he dado cuenta de que la parte negativa iguala o incluso supera a la positiva. Supongo que el hospedaje que escogimos tampoco ayudó, pero la guinda fue descubrir que la riqueza de la ciudad que vio crecer a los Beatles provenía en su mayoría de la trata de esclavos en el S. XVIII, y posteriormente de la caza de focas en el océano Ártico. Además, había un museo de la esclavitud. Sí, un museo...
A pesar de estos pequeños detalles, no puedo tener queja de este pedazo de viaje en el que hemos tocado 4 destinos de 3 países europeos diferentes en 9 días. Estoy... Abrumada por lo bien que nos ha salido todo, las experiencias gastronómicas y culturales nuevas que hemos tenido, y lo a gusto que nos hemos tomado nuestras cerves en parques completamente verdes con unos escenarios de lujo.
Foto tomada de aquí.